“Do you HAVE to go?” I asked him.”Believe me, if I could,I would stay here with you!”. “We’ll make it work, this long distance thing. It won’t be difficult baby! Our love will only grow.” Wrapping his arms around her, he sits there smiling, listening to her countless hypothetical theories on LDR.What he doesn’t know is how much she’s crying within, and all this talking ensues for fear that he might find out. We sat there holding hands for lord knows how long it was, when suddenly he says,”It’s time”. She wants to scream. So it really is time for him to leave. His eyes are wet, she notices.”Are pagal, chal jaa, you’ll be late else.” He kisses her forehead and turns around, and without once looking back, he walks, away from her, away from this place he had so sincerely loathed since the moment he set foot upon its doleful grounds but had developed a certain acceptance towards lately. Like a prisoner submits to the ordeal that envelopes its dwelling.
They say a man’s life flashes before his eyes when the devil comes for him. Then there are other times too when the devil is snoring away somewhere that the haze shrouding your memories vanishes. As I was walking back, I was reminded of the 15 months I had spent knowing him, liking him, loving him, and definitely not in that order. How we walked down the OC road holding hands, embarassed in the initial days, and shamelessly later! The nearness of him had me spellbound every single time. I would tell him “You’re so beautiful, AJ!” and I loved to see him flinch like my comment was somehow gonna transform him into a girl. “It’s handsome for guys, Stuti ! And you shall make me proud with all that false-praise.” Those coffee-dates twice a day when I just wouldn’t shut up and he would sip his coffee without a word, only that baffling smile on his face. Like someone had pasted it there. The only times managed to wipe it off was when I mentioned other men; times that made me realise he’s human! Now,I wanted it all back so much! So much was left to be said, so much left to be done. I burst out crying. It dawned on me that he was really leaving. Shit shit shit! My fairytale was metamorphosed into reality that very instant. One part of me was happy for him, other was crestfallen. I always knew he would leave college at the end of his term.What Miss Smarty-pants here didn’t know was how abso-fuckin-lutely it would suck.
Do goodbyes have to be this hard, when the heart knows they are inevitable? Why does all happiness come with a price tag so heavy it bankrupts you in the end? I stand speechless. Sometimes, one must surrender. Our heart, The Almighty, shall continue to bemuse us. I pray this love never dies, I pray the distance only makes the heart grow fonder. And I hope this makes you smile AJ, enjoying his honey-sweet slumber a thousand miles away from me, when you read this in the morning only to realise that you knew this already! :P
There's a tune I'm humming as I retire to bed, goes like this
"If I were a painter,I would paint my reverie
If that's the only way for you to be with me."
