Insomnia + That wicked Billi

Sleeping is a tricky business. Only this last week have I learned this. Oddly enough,my being had developed a certain aversion to this phenomenon of recursive, reversible suspended sensory activity. Whether it was my long hours of watching ' The Walking Dead' that had triggered this abnormality or a more severe medical condition judging by its absolute stubbornness,I fail to know. At first, I went with the former. You see my roommate was on a tour of Kerala, and one doesn't simply sleep when in a room alone, having watched zombies rip apart humans for 5 hours straight.
There's a third possibility too, however, that can't completely be ruled out. A ' supernatural' possibility. Yes, I'm absolutely serious. How else would you explain cats screeching at my doorstep at 3 in the morning ! I mean,cats give me the creeps anyway,be it the way they stare with their ominous eyes as though saying 'soon,soon' or how they creep up behind me and appear out of thin air right before me just when I was having a reasonably good day. Vile creatures.
So anyways, this one night, I hear a cat 'meow'ing in the hostel corridor. I get up and step out to shoo it away. I look around . There it is! Our eyes met briefly, before that goddamned thing began to run towards me. Wtf!
Immediately I locked myself in. What in the name of god was that! I could hear the palpitation of my heart above the din made by that demon,now pawing at my door. Satan's minion at work. Twice I read the Hanuman Chalisa, then prayed to all the Gods I could remember, even some made up ones since I was desperate, then hid beneath a blanket, counting sheep.
The cat went on for a full half hour I think. Then, whether it thought I was dead already or made up its mind to revisit, I can't say. The silence was equally disturbing. God what I'd have given to get inside its head! "You evil bitch", I shouted,mustering the last ounce of courage I had left. There was a "meoow...meow mew". Mind you, that was no ordinary meow. It was the meow of a self-amused,victorious cat. We both knew it had succeeded. I was defeated by a pussy. Such shame! Alas, I shall have to live with it all my life.
My night was effectively ruined. In the nights that followed, I swear I heard a scratching sound outside my door,like it was trying to make its way. Just when I had decided to come up with a how-to-kill-that-crazy-billi plan,a cool friend gave me a cool idea of a cool device. Ear-fucking-phones! Yes, you crazy billi, I choose to ignore you.
I can finally sleep at night. There are these cool earphones to protect me and my roomie is back. The Gods to my rescue! The universe is at peace again. Thank you Shaktimaan.

The Goodbye that sucked.

“Do you HAVE to go?” I asked him.”Believe me, if I could,I would stay here  with you!”. “We’ll make it work, this long distance thing. It won’t be difficult baby! Our love will only grow.” Wrapping his arms around her, he sits there smiling, listening to her countless hypothetical theories on LDR.What he doesn’t know is how much she’s crying within, and all this talking ensues for fear that he might find out. We sat there holding hands for lord knows how long it was, when suddenly he says,”It’s time”. She wants to scream. So it really is time for him to leave. His eyes are wet, she notices.”Are pagal, chal jaa, you’ll be late else.” He kisses her forehead and turns around, and without once looking back, he walks, away from her, away from this place he had so sincerely loathed since the moment he set foot upon its doleful grounds but had developed a certain acceptance towards lately. Like a prisoner submits to the ordeal that envelopes its dwelling.

They say a man’s life flashes before his eyes when the devil comes for him. Then there are other times too when the devil is snoring away somewhere that the haze shrouding your memories vanishes. As I was walking back, I was reminded of the 15 months I had spent knowing him, liking him, loving him, and definitely not in that order. How we walked down the OC road holding hands, embarassed in the initial days, and shamelessly later! The nearness of him had me spellbound every single time. I would tell him “You’re so beautiful, AJ!” and I loved to see him flinch like my comment was somehow gonna transform him into a girl. “It’s handsome for guys, Stuti ! And you shall make me proud with all that false-praise.” Those coffee-dates twice a day when I just wouldn’t shut up and he would sip his coffee without a word, only that baffling smile on his face. Like someone had pasted it there. The only times managed to wipe it off was when I mentioned other men; times that made me realise he’s human! Now,I wanted it all back so much! So much was left to be said, so much left to be done. I burst out crying. It dawned on me that he was really leaving. Shit shit shit! My fairytale was metamorphosed into reality that very instant. One part of me was happy for him, other was crestfallen. I always knew he would leave college at the end of his term.What Miss Smarty-pants here didn’t know was how abso-fuckin-lutely it would suck.

Do goodbyes have to be this hard, when the heart knows they are inevitable? Why does all happiness come with a price tag so heavy it bankrupts you in the end? I stand speechless. Sometimes, one must surrender. Our heart, The Almighty, shall continue to bemuse us. I pray this love never dies, I pray the distance only makes the heart grow fonder. And I hope this makes you smile AJ, enjoying his honey-sweet slumber a thousand miles away from me, when you read this in the morning only to realise that you knew this already! :P

There's a tune I'm humming as I retire to bed, goes like this

"If I were a painter,I would paint my reverie

   If that's the only way for you to be with me."

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To...

The unconventional title. An even more unconventional girl it speaks of. Not the girl with a tattoo,but definitely one you wouldn't miss.Or wanna miss."Yaar,load ho gaya",she tells me because she's clueless about the next day's exam and I've been keeping her from making an effort. I stick out my tongue,and together we laugh. "I think we're falling in love",I tell her. Her eyes seem to pop out of their sockets,and she laughs ,harder this time."I think so too . Isn't this great?".I wink. Anoushka Shanker is playing in the background."Chal chal,it's time for dinner". Oily paranthas! I make a face."Are,khana zaruri hota hai.Achhi bachhi ho na?" "Nahi.Mann nahi ho raha." "Please Stuti"."Nahi!" "Uthti ho ki nhi?""Erm..achha achha. Daanto mat.Tum gandi ho."Evil grin that earns her a kick."Pataaa hai",she says in an Allahabadi accent which reminds me of home.
Scene2,after dinner,as we proceed for our ice-cream."Mam,ice-cream chahiye",we ask the mess-wali-mausi(read suprintendent). "Are ladki! Tum to ice-cream lekar gayi thi na abhi?"Silence follows."Maine to abhi dinner kiya, Mam.""Nahi,tu lekar gayi hai,maine dekha hai." Tension in the air.Suddenly,my seemingly benign friend is not so happy anymore.(read flaring nostrils!)"Ye to hadd kar di apne ,Mam.Soch bhi kaise sakti hai aap ki mai aisa krungi! Koi sona-chandi nahi hai ye jo main bar bar aungi yaha.Rakh sakti hai aap apni ice-cream apne pass.Aaj ke baad mai ice-cream khaungi hi nahi is hostel mein.Aur aap ki complaint bhi karungi ki aap bachho ko aise treat karti hai." And then she turns around.I take cue.Obediently,I follow her back to the room.More of that silence that is so disturbing you wanna kill it walks alongside us.This girl who a while ago was the perfect prototype of affection was now baffling me with her new 'Jhansi-Ki-Rani Avatar'. I mean,this two-in-one friend was let's face it,so awesome! She taught me something I had been trying to learn for like an eternity now.Standing up for yourself isn't just for bullies or fatsos who fear not a thing,a person in the world.It's for us.For  me and you and them and those.It's not so difficult after all.I can only imagine the contentment sweeping through her right now.Little things that matter.Much Respect,Dear V.